Beer Troubleshooting
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them.
SYMPTOM: Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room
you’re in.
FAULT: You’ve wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM: Don’t remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
Categories: Fun Library, Jokes Tags: beer, troubleshooting
Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes
We know it’s “sooooo last year” this Chuck Norris thing, but what the hell, we bring you some of the classics anyway.
Every time someone uses the word “intense”, Chuck Norris always replies “you know what else is intense?” followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
It is physically impossible for Chuck Norris to get a tattoo as the ink is too scared to stay under his skin
Michael Jackson does Moonwalk. Chuck Norris does Sunwalk.
Osama Bin Laden did not go hiding cause America was looking for him, but because Chuck Norris was
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
When you ask Chuck Norris for directions, he’ll give you a roundhouse-kick to the face and you’ll land exactly where you need to be.
When Chuck Norris says or types “LOL” he’s asking if you want to be kicked in the “Liver Or the Lungs”.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.
Bears play dead when they are attacked by Chuck Norris!
Do you want more Chuck Norris facts & jokes?
Link:
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
Categories: Fun Library, Jokes Tags: chuck norris, facts, Jokes
